It's August 14th in the early am, and I have finally decided that I should attempt to process my trip this summer to East Africa. I guess I've put it off long enough, since life seems to be running around at completely normal lightning fast speed. It's funny, because before I left, this speed was really easy and normal for me. Now it seems like a massive billboard size train just comes down and hits you up against the side of your face as you fly in the air and try to find something to hold on to...I bet none of that makes sense to anyone but myself. :)
I guess I think that the longer I take to actually write and publish this, the longer it will be until I have to finally face the fact that I'm no longer in Kansas anymore. In fact, I'm residing in what looks like the opposite of Kansas- Orange County. lol...
I've visited with friends, family, enemies, and strangers. I've bought a new belt, ate foods I did not have over there, made meals I missed from Africa, and stayed up late at night wishing I could go back to that place where everyday seemed like a little slice of the Kingdom of God. I've tried my best to adjust back to the culture here in the states, but it really seems like it might be something I may never adjust back to. Perhaps I will stay this person that people think acts funny forever. ha ha ha...
Of course everyone wants to know how my trip to Africa was, and I gladly wish to tell it because of the huge impact it has had on my small existence here on this earth- but I grow weary of the people who want to hear the one word answers, or wish to hear a five minute version of something that lasted over 2 months. ha ha ha...it just cannot be told that fast! Nor does it speak to me of caring about me and the growth in which I have experienced.
I was expecting coming home and being flabbergasted by an excess use of resources, having our wants too disproportionate to our actual needs, and for our selfishness as a culture to win almost every time over the strive for community and unselfishness. But I wasn't ready for the huge gaping hole I got after I woke up the second day home expecting to see my teammates from the trip that morning- only to be surprised by the fact that they weren't. I hadn't realized how close we'd become over the past months.
How much we had lived together.
It's crazy because it happens so slowly. One day you start your trip and you're praying that you won't have to kill the person sitting next to you due to stress and your need for quiet- the next you feel like you've lost a part of your family.
Which leads me to what I think is the biggest thing I have 'learnt done real good' over in the countries of East Africa:
Community.
Too often since coming home have I seen the people around me choose solidarity and independence over community and vulnerability. Some people don't see how lonely they are, or how their independence kills their growth. Most people choose the things they need first, over talking and developing relationships. Striving after the wind, chasing meaninglessness.
I long for the days where it seemed as if we were finally living life the way it was meant to be. I pray that all of you reading this would be able to experience such community and passion. It's sad that it seems as though God gave us all this huge taste of heaven, only to rip it out from under us- but I think it has more to do with wanting us to strive for it now and recognize it exists and is possible. The ability to desire it and be passionate about it is more than enough to start a spark.
I've been traveling a lot this past month, and I've been piecing this together week by week, thought by thought. I miss Africa deep in my soul. But it is not my full calling. My mission field is here for now. It is about Jesus reaching Christians who have lost their way. Christians who think they have it all figured out, but don't. Who hide behind false smiles which mask deep pain and sorrow. Who think that by coming to church on Sunday they've paid their dues. Jesus doesn't want our money. He doesn't want our false worship. He wants us to live out our faith. He wants us to live together. To unite for one purpose- saving souls and living life. He wants us to grow together. Challenge one another. Mourn with each other. Grow in love.
I'm going to move this Africa blog to a different place that way I can keep my other blog. Until then, I will keep them up here so that those of you who wish to continue reading these can do so, and may it be a resource in which it helps develop you spiritually, emotionally, and physically as much as this trip has me.
Peaches.
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